Black and white: the complexities of mixed-race families

This is a feature that I wrote for my student magazine, nurture. The pictures are snapshots of my page layouts.

Mixed-race article layout in my student magazine – nurture

Mixed-race relationships are lending a hand in contributing to Britian’s increasingly racially integrated culture.

Though times are changing, this does not make it easier on multiracial children.

As an interracial couple in Britain, maybe you were never at the receiving end of angry looks and offensive comments… or unfortunately, maybe you were.

What does the future hold for mixed-race couples who already have children or plan to start a family? Do you, as parents, ever wonder if their lives might be tougher because they are of mixed heritage?

What explanation do you give your kids when they begin to question “why is mummy white and daddy brown?” No one said it would be easy.

A 2009 study commissioned by the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) reveals that one in 10 children in the UK belongs to a mixed-race family.

The study predicts that if current trends continue, some ethnic minorities may disappear entirely as people from mixed-race backgrounds become increasingly common.

Although these findings are hugely positive and call for a moment of celebration, there is still much to be fought for.

Serious issues
The old, polarising debate about black and white is changing, and the next generation will not see race in the same way the older generation once did.

Britain’s diverse culture is becoming all the more fascinating and inter-connected. But being complacent continues to remain a distant merit, as other challenges continue to loom on the horizon.

People in the public eye like Barack Obama or Lewis Hamilton may have changed society’s views on interracial children, but are there more serious effects on these kids than what is actually shown?

Retired child psychologist Alison Brown says, “Prior to tying-the-knot, it is crucial that the interracial couple agrees on some sort of plan for how they will raise any potential children.

This will aid in avoiding any future unpleasantness or break-ups, thus sparing the child from any unnecessary stress, and many a time, even trauma.”

Religion, it is said, is the mother of all evil and this can ring true for children of  mixed-race marriages.

As many couples do not follow the same religion as their partner, some decision has to be made when deciding on one for their child.

Kelly , who is three months pregnant, Caucasian and recently separated from her Afro-Caribbean boyfriend of four years, is not so sure what the future holds for her unborn baby.

“Religion and interfering parents were major factors that lead to our break-up,”   she says.

“To begin with, both our families were against our relationship. What is of major concern to them, is that my ex-partner and I come from different religious backgrounds.

Michael comes from Jamaica and is Muslim, while I was brought up a staunch Catholic in Britain. My parents hit the roof when they learnt that I was pregnant.                                                                                                                                                   

Mixed-race article layout in my student magazine - nurture

They made it clear that our child had to be raised Catholic, otherwise they would break all contact with me.

This news didn’t go down very well with Mike and his parents. In the end, it just got too much to handle and we decided to end our relationship.”

Michael, Kelly’s ex-partner, elaborates on their mutual decision to split-up. “I don’t think our baby should be brought up with any set religion.

What is most important is that our child is spiritually aware, and does not have any prejudice against anyone.

Although Kelly and I have thoroughly discussed this issue, she doesn’t agree, and neither do our parents. It’s just a no-win situation.”

As in the above case, it is evident that faith can be a major source of friction in interracial families.

Another serious issue parents also have to remain vigilant against is discrimination on the basis of colour.

As Alison Brown says, “Racists need to categorise everyone and clearly, a biracial child does not fit neatly into any of these so-called ‘categories’.

This in turn, leads racist individuals to become resentful and to develop strong feelings of hatred towards these children and even their parents, for no fault of their own.”

People in Harmony, a national organisation that aims to support mixed-race families, offers very clear advice when it comes to dealing with racism.

They say, “Don’t let people get away with it. Challenging prejudice – which is so often born of ignorance – can make people think twice about their views.”

The organisation recommends parents to show their children how to deal with such racist remarks: “Of course, in some situations it is best to say nothing and it is the parents duty to judge when that is.”

Another issue a biracial child may encounter is that of an identity crisis. The      main reason for this is that the child embodies two racial groups that are defined very differently.

When the child is old enough to understand its identity, the parents need to step in and educate him or her. This is not always easy for the parents who usually come from two diverse ethnic backgrounds.

However, it is absolutely essential that a biracial child has a clear and positive sense of identity.                        

“The biggest issue biracial children face is the identity crisis,” state Vladimir Piskacek and Marlene Golub, the authors of Children of Interracial Marriages: Expectations and Realities.

The book reveals, “An individual’s sense of self is derived from the identity of one’s father and mother. So if the parents are unified in their perception of their child, then he or she is more likely to have an integrated sense of self.”

In order to resolve this race-related identity crisis, child therapist Andy Jackson of St Nicholas Church in Tooting believes that it is best if parents have an open discussion with each other on how they want to raise their kids, and expose them to their mother or father’s culture, or a healthy balance of both.

Jackson continues, “It is the parents’ job to make their child come to terms with their identity. Although this is by no means an easy task, it will benefit the child in the long run, giving him or her a clear sense of who they actually are.”

Sometimes, the relationship between parents and children can be strained, but grandparents and grandchildren usually get along.

Many times, because of this strong bond, an interracial family will draw closer together. However, old-fashioned views of associating with “people of colour” can cloud a grandparent’s thought process. They may keep their distance for fear of being labelled for associating with a biracial family.

This sudden distance and resentment would confuse any biracial child, undoubtedly leaving a lasting impression on how he or she is viewed by society.

But it is not all doom and gloom for parenting interracial children. There are certain advantages to being born into a multiracial family.

 

For instance, a child has the power not just to comprehend, but identify with multiple racial perspectives. In other words, a biracial kid will be able to relate to people in more than one racial group, thus broadening his or her cultural experience.

Additionally, some parents discover things about their own identity, as they bring up their own mixed-race children, which in turn benefit them both.

As far as educational advantages are concerned, a biracial child can apply for scholarships and other academic facilities that are limited to “children of colour”.

These benefits have been established to achieve educational goals for the whole population and attempts to reduce the damages caused by racism.

Some biracial couples have all the luck in the world when it comes to their kids. Stan, a British-Asian, and Mary D’Souza, a Caucasian from Ireland have been married for eight years and have three children, aged eight, seven and five.

“I think our kids get the best of both worlds, to be honest,” says Stan.

“Even though we live in England and they are accustomed to this way of life, we make it a point to visit India every year, so they experience that part of their culture, too.

Even at home, we cook curries and chapatis on some days and prepare fish and chips, or something very British for the rest of the week. I think we have a nice mix of things,” adds Stan.

Stan’s wife Mary says, “Because we live in a multi-cultural society, thankfully it’s not unusual at all to see interracial children at school or in our neighbourhood.
Our children aren’t treated any different just because they are Anglo-Indians. In fact, their school celebrates their diversity.”

She smiles, gesturing to their son Kieran. “Last month, my youngest son had to dress up in traditional Indian clothes for a school play. It was just fantastic. He thoroughly enjoyed it, and because of our frequent trips to India, he’s seen Indian clothing for himself, and was happy to wear it. Even though he’s just five years old, he understands that he’s both Indian and Irish.”

She adds, “As my husband and I are very close to our families, the kids spend equal amounts of time with both the Irish and Indian sides.
On top of all of this, both of us are Catholic, so that made the question of what religion our kids would follow much easier.”

 

Support
Alison Brown believes that talking to others within the mixed-race community is extremely useful, and can even be therapeutic.

There are a number of organisations in the UK that aim to help families tackle unacceptable comments and behaviour, whether from members of the public, children’s peers or even their own relatives.

Intermix.org.uk is a website where mixed-race people or families can exchange thoughts and feelings about their experiences – whether good or bad good – and find out more about the interracial experience.
Sharron Hall, editor of Intermix says, “It’s important to teach your child to be proud of both sides of their heritage.

Although there may sometimes be racial tension between races, there are also many good things that come from people of different races getting together and your family is one of them.”

London alternative

Yes. London. Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, Harrods, Madame Tussauds. London!

People thrashing it out at Speaker's Corner in Hyde Park; Source: Daniel C.

But, if you have the opportunity to live in London for a substantial amount of time, you should certainly do more than just the obvious attractions.

For instance, have you ever wondered what really goes on “behind the scenes” of your favourite television show? Well, now you have the chance to find out.

Many popular shows actually give out free tickets to provide people with the opportunity to be a part of their studio audience and (best of all) get on telly for no extra cost!

Having got the opportunity to sit in on a recording of itv’s Loose Women was a dream come true for fan Hazel D’Souza. “It was an unforgettable experience,” Hazel told mindZgap with a twinkle in her eye.

“It is well worth checking out how a show is put together and you can get to see a new series many months before it is screened. Besides, interacting with the stars was just mind-blowing,” she said.

Websites like hattrick.co.uk or tvrecordings.com can help you locate and reserve free tickets for shows that take your fancy.

Order..Order in the House!

If you happen to be in central London, then why not pop in to attend a House of Commons or Lords Session. It could be right up your street!

The tradition and history surrounding Westminster, right from its wig-wearing judges to the verbal duels during Prime Minister’s Question Time is an experience not to be missed.

For recent and forthcoming Sessions in the Houses of Commons and Lords, check out The Weekly Information Bulletin on the official UK Parliament site.

Another unique way to experience an alternative London is by working as a Match Steward at a Football match.

From checking tickets to sneaking-a-peak of the match, this is one way you can immerse yourself in true British culture, while making a quick buck at the same time.

Match Steward Roy Almeida who frequently works at Wembley Stadium said, “I normally work at Wembley on a Saturday. As I have only been in the UK for six months now, working part-time as a steward has opened up a whole other side of Britain to me – a more relaxed atmosphere spent just having fun with friends and family, in comparison to the humdrum and stress of normal life.”

To find out more on how to find jobs as a Match Steward, visit jobs.trovit.co.uk.

Your stay in London would be largely incomplete if you do not make at least, one trip to Speaker’s Corner in Hyde Park.

Considered as one of this cities most eccentric attractions, anyone who has an opinion to air and anyone who cares to listen, can gather at this iconic place, which has somewhat been lost to email and online chat rooms.

Open conversations can quickly turn into loud and contentious debates. If you have a mind to take part, then feel free to join or otherwise just stand on the sidelines and be prepared to be well and truly entertained.

All you have to do is just dig below the surface to unearth some of London’s most eccentric, yet hugely satisfying attractions, the experience of which encapsulates the core of “Britishness”, although of a different kind

Eco-parenting: for non-toxic, healthy homes

This was an article I wrote for my magazine project. Hope it’s informative!!

Lifestyle choices influence how children grow up – their health, attitudes and behaviour. nurture offers advice on how to make simple, effective changes in your home, making it easier than ever to be an ‘earth parent’

Toys that don’t cost the Earth

Eco-friendly toys can be as creative, exciting and fun as the normal plastic kind that usually captivate children. From the very creation of these products, right up till packaging, every effort is made to reduce the impact on environmental resources.

Go to lulasapphire.com, edenproject.com or greatgreentoys.co.uk

Cleaning, eco-style

To get a home that is truly clean, why not use a combination of both, eco-friendly cleaners and age-old recipes. Washing soda removes stains and disinfects, while white vinegar or lemon juice cuts grease and would freshen-up your home.

Other  eco-friendly commercial brands like Ecover, BioKleen and seventh GENERATION would also do the trick. Go to ecover.com, freedompondmoonworks.com or eco-nest.co.uk

Eco-chic paint

There are a lot of paint products on the market, which claim to be “natural”, “organic” or “eco-friendly”, but it’s impossible to have a paint that is entirely eco-friendly and non-toxic.

However, you can minimise the risks and adverse effects of paint on your health and the environment. Go to naturaldeco.co.uk, earthbornpaints.co.uk or ecosorganicpaints.co.uk

Bathtime bliss
To help make your child’s bath time more eco-friendly, indulge in some organic products that are kinder to both, the environment and their health.

Whether it’s shower gel, bubble bath or shampoo you’re after, natural bath products smell great and are made using plant-based ingredients and natural organic oils.

Free from animal testing and petroleum oil bases, products even come in recyclable bottles! Visit Boots, Lush or Burt’s Bees

Bamboo for bedding

Ideal for bed linen, bamboo or a combination of bamboo and cotton make perfect bed linen. This new eco-fabric does not take decades to grow and can be cultivated without the use of pesticides or fertilisers and it feels soft on the skin. Go to betweenthesheets.co.uk, uk.shopping.com or bamboo.org.uk

Laundry powder, au naturel

 
The dangers of using conventional laundry products like detergents, fabric softeners and stain removers are plentiful. Protecting the environment and preventing your child from asthma, eczema and dermatitis can be as simple as switching to an eco-friendly laundry powder.

Go to spiritofnature.co.uk, nenviro.com or eco-essentials.co.uk

Nothing but an Inspiration….

Inspirations features a classic goan speciality - Pork sorpotel on its menu; Source: Wikipedia

From top educational institutions to nightclubs, Porvorim has it all, including, one of North Goa’s finest eateries – Inspirations.

Mario, a born artist and an architect by profession; Fredrick, an accountant and Gloria, a quality control technician in a chemical firm…. how are they all linked, one may wonder?

Well, they are all part of the D’Souza family and co-owners of Inspirations. Theirs is a blend of diverse talents and forms Inspiration’s unique base.

Strategically located in the heart of Porvorim at the Nova Cidade Complex in Goa, India, Inspirations offers a sumptuous assortment of cakes, snacks and meals, catering to every taste and budget.

Formerly owned by another party, Inspirations came into their possession in 2000. It was a dream come true for team Inspiration and they jumped at the prospect.

“Under the previous ownership, Inspirations had built quite a name for itself. Their cakes were one of the best. However, when we took over, we were confident that we would make it an even greater success, although none of us had any formal training.

We did carry on with a few of their cakes and snacks, but of course, today we have put in our own ideas. Pies, ‘samosas’, spring rolls, sandwiches, pizzas and a range of burgers are some of our prominent items.

Mini-meals are a favourite at lunchtime and include Goan specialties like ‘sorpotel’ and ‘chicken xacuti’.”

She continues, “Some customers just love our brownies, whilst others fancy our chocolate or walnut cakes. As far as beverages are concerned, cold coffee and lime soda are quite popular.

We get a number of regulars, including students from the five colleges around the area. Apart from them, Indian as well as international tourists drop in for a bite.”

Harmonious relationship

Running a family business has the potential to put strain on both, the family relationship and the business. On the plus side however, it can be a truly rewarding experience, as is the case with the smooth running of Inspirations.

In addition to a competent team of 15 hardworking, honest local women, Gloria, her husband and brother are involved in their individual departments.

“Mario is the all-rounder and is in charge of purchasing ingredients, production, as well as supervision. He even designed the dining bay of the shop.

Freddy (the more business minded of the three) runs the counter and is in charge of sales, while I am more involved in production, apart from supervising the staff,” reveals Gloria.

Family participation in a business can in fact strengthen it, as the members are incredibly loyal and dedicated to the enterprise.

“For instance, when we began, my mum, who is especially talented at preparing snacks and baking cakes, was a part of the savouries section.

During Christmas, the family chips in with painting the windows and on ordinary workdays, they lend a hand around the shop.”

In spite of their booming success, the D’Souza’s have no momentary desire to expand.

“Many customers urge us to open other branches around Goa. However, we feel that it is essential to devote our full attention to just a single project.

For those aspiring to enter and succeed in this cut-throat business, Gloria feels that it is essential to keep some indispensable factors in mind.

“We believe in starting small with what you can do best. Furthermore, do not entirely depend on the staff for everything. Personal attention is crucial, as is hard work and determination. At the end of the day, a good quality product should be the result.”